What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 15:39
So, i spoilt her more .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What celebrity do you admire the most?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
How an unnoticed pregnancy complication almost ended a young Staten Island mom’s life - SILive.com
When she asked me how she looked .
I was scared of men, in general
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
'Disconnected' tyre should force Spanish GP strategy variety - The Race
I don,t even have a pension.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
What’s next for Fannie and Freddie under Trump administration? - Investing.com
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My life is so biszare .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Has anyone ever participated in a gang bang and what was it like?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
9 Cool New Gadgets to Keep on Your Radar - Gear Patrol
I have no regrets .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Who then, do I blame.?
Amazon planning $10B investment in North Carolina for data center and AI campus - AP News
Especially a lifetime of it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
U.S. growth forecast cut sharply by OECD as Trump tariffs sour global outlook - CNBC
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Is the Democrat party connected with organized crime in America?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
5-Day Workout Plan That Melts Belly Fat for Men Over 50, Trainer Says - Eat This Not That
But it wasn’t much.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
This is soul school!.
Would this be the day?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Comes on , in middle age.
We were not on the streets..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She loved him until the end.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
Put me off passion for life!!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
All the time i was locked up.
Ive learnt so much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
(And it was in our own minds.)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And i lived it daily.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My family never makes their pension either.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We all went to grammer schools
Im still living with it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I write beautiful poetry .
Why did i forgive my father ?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She found it foreign!.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was very sick at this time too.
She was in good health!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I will be 64.
But, we were locked up after school.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So whats the point in blame.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She married twice! .
I waited trembling.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was seconnd youngest,
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
What did i know ?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was 9 years of age.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It was going to be , some day.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I think the readers, may guess!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One cannot live in the past .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He knew the spot.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I said to her
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..